No pictures today

Since finding out for sure that Emily has Celiac disease, people send me websites and tips and suggestions and answers to questions all the time. I read them. I try to process them. I keep them in my e-mail so I can pull them out later and re-read them. Most things say things like " Food is wonderful, food can be the best thing ever, food is sensual." WHAT!?!?!?
I do not see food, more importantly, COOKING food, in this light at all. It makes me feel stress. I rarely feel stress. I feel like a pretty balanced person and sure, there are moments at night when both kiddos are screaming that my blood pressure rises a tad, but overall, I'm calm, cool and collected.
The thought of cooking meals, that are wonderful and "sensual" makes me sweat though. When I read the safe list and the forbidden list, most things I don't even recognize. I've never seen these letters put together, and I would never think they would make a word. But it's a word...it's a thing, an additive, a seasoning, a something...and now I have to know about it.
Some might say I've been naive, not reading labels all along, to know what additives and perservatives are in our food. But really, I read labels for fat and calories, carbs and sometimes sodium, but 20 letter preservatives - nope, not so much.
I wish I was organic.
I wish I was more earthy.
I wish I could have a garden and grow food and really eat it.
But...it's really not me. I wish it was me, sometimes, but it's not. I'm not sure it ever will be.
So I am going to figure out this gluten thing for me and my family the best way I know how. Yes, I will try some recipes, that don't take 1 hour of prep time and require chopping 4 different vegetables. I don't like to chop. Yes, call me lazy, but I'm not good at chopping and it takes FOREVER.
I don't do recipes that take more than 20 mins prep time. Lazy again, yes.
I mop several times a week, but chopping and preparing food, ugh. I'd rather be on my hands and knees scrubbing grout. Or scrubbing bathroom gunk. Anything and anywhere than in the kitchen.
Maybe if I had more time. Maybe if my kitchen was big and beautiful, and could be the true " heart of our home." Maybe if my husband was home at night with us. Maybe if my attitude changed a bit. Maybe....
But for right now, I am going to continue to scour shelves for gluten free products. I will buy gluten free mixes and mix them up. I will not buy potato flour and learn what " thickeners and stabilizers" are gluten free...what the heck are those anyway!?!?!?
I will buy gluten free chicken nuggets. And buy boxed gluten free cookie mix.
I will do my best.
The end.