Bittersweetness

I'm not sure that's a real word, somehow I think it's not.

I am feeling extremely bittersweet tonight about the weaning process. I'm sure everyone is tired of hearing about my breastfeeding woes, confusing feelings and happiness surrounding it. I know it's the right thing to do, I know the time is right. But just saying out loud, I am choosing not to nurse anymore sounds weird. It feels weird right now. I'm sure it will pass soon, but right now, I feel odd about things. Right...but still odd.

My babies are getting bigger. Yeah yeah I know they're only 9 months old. But they are getting older, they are doing more, they are learning to interact, with me and with each other. They are starting to copy you. William is learning to wave, though I'm not sure he knows what he's doing. Emily has the best smile ever. William scoots to you now. If you tell him to come here, and he's feeling cooperative, he'll scoot right over to you, with a big grin on his face. They both like to jump and Emily likes to dance when she sits up, she bobs her head and her whole body.

They've gone through so much while nursing...and I know this is one chapter that is closing and another will be opening. One of new solid foods and finger foods, eating with a spoon all by themselves, actually eating a puff instead of throwing it on the ground, learning to talk, learning to walk...just all new chapters in our lives. Just sitting here thinking about it gives me a little tear...silently rolling down my cheek.

Anyway, I will buck up and move forward. My children are ready to eat food and drink formula. I know that. They know that. I think they've been telling me for a while now, but I've been in denial. My heart may be a bit slower, my nostalgic feelings may be a bit slower...but logically, it's time...it's time....it IS time!

Happy Wednesday!

The tavern is closing

The Tavern O' Breast Milk that is....

Yes folks, after 9 months, the Tavern will be closing within the week and ending a much enjoyed relationship with 2 very special patrons.

Unfortunately, with only 2 patrons, when they decide they like other establishments better, the Tavern loses too much business, thus having to make the decision to close. You see, our 2 patrons now prefer other places like Highchair Alley, The Land of Toys and Exercauser City. It's hard to help them remember that the Tavern O'Breast Milk is where we all started! They get very pre-occupied these days and would rather be playing or eating solid food than socializing at the Tavern.

This is bittersweet for the owner/operater, The Mama. The Mama is excited to have her body back, all to herself....18-19 months is a long time to be providing for 3 people. The Mama is excited to wear normal bras again, and maybe even buy some new ones. She's very ready to throw all nursing pads out the window and not have to worry about whether or not you can see the pads through her shirt, also known as "Show Through." She's ready to have a glass of wine IF she ever wanted one. Not that she does very often at all, but now she CAN HAVE ONE IF SHE WANTS TO!!! HAHAAAAA!

The Mama is also sad to see the Tavern close though. She has enjoyed her time with the only 2 patrons for a long time now and she feels that it's very special to them. She hopes that by keeping the Tavern open for as long as she did it will help the 2 patrons grow big and strong and have a nice, healthy immune system. The Mama is also sad that formula will be taking the place of the Tavern as the Tavern was rent-free, whereas formula is NOT.

The Tavern O'Breast Milk has had some good times and some bad. We thought it would go out of business long before now but it hung in there. It made it! And for that The Mama is very grateful and thankful. The doors will be open another week or so, but hours are shortened and inventory is low. Patrons, and you know who you are, don't waste any time! Visit when you can and drink up!

Long live The TOBM!

Another weekend?!!?

Has already come and gone? They always go by so quick!!!!
This one has been good, we shopped and had lunch out on Saturday. William got a fever on Saturday evening though and hasn't been able to shake it since. We may be visiting the doctor tomorrow, depending on what the night and early morning show.
We had our first home Jaguar game today, that wasn't overly fun, the team played awful and I was bored. I actually do like football and normally enjoy the games, but today since the team wasn't playing well and I had a little boy at home who didn't feel well - I was watching the clock and couldn't wait for the game to be over.
Right now he still has a small fever, but it's running almost 102 constantly. It's broken with the help of Tylenol and Motrin, but if it's still in the morning, Dr. Cooper here we come!
Just wanted to make a small blog about the weekend. Happy Sunday!

Ugh - Can you see that food oozing out!?

Being little sailors, courtesy of Grandpa

Mama and Emily, just hangin out


This is Daddy's doing!

And this is too - I did NOT condone him doing this!!!!!

Wiggle WORM

AKA, William! That boy hates to be still, for any length of time, unless you're tickling him ( and then he's not really still either). He hates to be on the changing table and gets very irate when you tell him he has to lay still and get his diaper changed. I keep trying to tell him that Mama is not skilled enough yet to dress him while he's on his stomach. I'm sure I'll learn, I just haven't achieved that level yet. He is one wiggly dude though!

My bedtime ritual is going much better, now that Emily watches a movie every night. I know that sounds terrible, and I really didn't think I'd be that person that would plop a kid down in front of the TV...but it works! I put on her Baby Mozart DVD, put her in front of the TV, propped up on some pillows and she barely moves an inch. It gives me time to feed William, lay him down, give him a few extra mins to settle and then we move on to her. She really only watches it for about 20 mins, but it's very effective, no more screaming, no more tears, so we're all happy and I'll just have to accept that I'm using the TV and a DVD to help me take care of my children. I think for now I'll be Ok with that!

I still hate Billy's job, but it's just because I miss him very much. I like our time together, our time at night to watch TV, talk, just do nothing. I like him here. With me. With us. *sigh* I know it's only temporary, but I sure will miss him in the meantime. I'm just waiting for him to get home now...slowly eating a huge cupcake I bought today, that I really shouldn't have, but it was my reward for picking up the babies at the mall. Anytime I drop them off or pick them up from Kristy I feel accomplished and like a real working mom. Since I don't have to take them out anywhere everyday, I think I get off easy most of the time, so on the days I do take them, I feel good about myself. I give myself a little secret pat on the back, even though I guess I'm making it not such a secret anymore. Oh well! Just don't tell anyone else.

I'm rambling now, so I'll end for now. Happy Friday night!

My Daughter's Eyes

I heard that song tonight and I haven't heard it in a year, not since the death of my best friend's mother Renae.They played it at her funeral and I thought it was so perfect, and hearing it again tonight made me think about that terrible day that Renae passed away, but also the fact that I have a daughter now. My very own daughter. Her name is Emily and she is my sweet baby girl, like I always tell her. I tell her she's beautiful. I tell her how how much I love her. I tell her how silly she is and how funny her laugh is. I hold her up and watch her giggle and I watch her little head swivel around to look at anything and everything that comes her way.
Renae was taken from us and then just a few short months later, 2 beautiful babies were brought into the world.
Part of that song says " In your eyes I see the future." And I really do. I was talking to fellow twin mom Rachel today, NEW twin mom, and we talked about how to do this and how to do that, and I smiled remembering how terribly hard it was at first. I thought it would never end, never get better, never improve. I thought my babies would cry every single day for hours on end. I thought they would hate me for making them cry so much. But there was light at the end of the tunnel. And now I think about days of Emily being a toddler and getting her ears pierced and painting her nails and doing her hair ( hopefully she'll grow some by then). And I can see the future. And it makes me so happy and thankful to be where I am today, with my family and these 2 precious precious babies that we call our own.
And yes, I've used the word "AND" more than I care to admit in this post, but I don't care.
Anyway, all of this because of a dumb song. Go figure.

On a different note, the babies have been sick for a little while now. Emily had a cold first, then William got some sort of stomach bug. Billy had the flu. My mom happened to be visiting over the weekend, and thank goodness because I definitely needed the help, but then she got sick too. She went home with the flu and has been out of commission for 2 days. I got my first dose of real throw up, changing sheets, giving bath throw up. Not overly fun, not fun at all!
Hopefully everyone is on the mend now. I went to work for half day today, and Billy also went back to work and school, so hopefully we will be 100% later in the week!

William has another tooth. Emily has none. William is scooting all around, but not crawling. Emily can roll like a maniac, but she's not much of a scooter. We are about to really have to baby proof and be verrry careful about where they go and really keep any eye on them. I think our baby gates are about to go up, which seems crazy to me, but I think it's almost time. Time really does fly by!

Well, I'll end this post tonight. Happy Tuesday!

Baby GAP model

Can you see his new tooth!?

Our little Jaguar fan


First night Mama had them alone for bedtime, this is where he ended up!

Guess who's peeking thru....

Night #2

Is not going well. It's 9:30 pm, an hour past when they are normally asleep in bed. And Emily is screaming in her crib and William is sitting right smack in the middle of the living room, just sitting there. Neither want to stay asleep. they are both verrrry sleepy both scream whenever they are layed down and William is refusing to eat any more of his bottle.
I just don't understand.
I just needed a little time-out before I tried yet again to comfort sweet Emily and make everything all better. So far, nothing I have tried is working. In fact, I think I'm making things worse. I hate to just let the babies cry, scream actually, but sometimes...I'm just not sure what else to try. *sigh*
I'm not liking this one bit so far.
Blah.


UPDATE: It's now 9:43pm. William put himself to sleep on the floor. I half thought about letting him sleep in the living room, but then thought better of myself, lol...I gave up and put Emily on our bed where she is now asleep, after screaming and then getting teething tabs. I will attempt to move her before I go to bed. No more drama for me tonight.

D&D

Defeat and disappointment...that is what I feel right now. Tonight was my first night "alone" with the babies, putting them to bed that is. We have had a really good bedtime ritual down lately, they go to bed and even though they don't' always stay right away, they normally lay down fine. Billy started his new job tonight, Monday - Friday, 6pm-11pm (YUCK!), so that leaves me and the babies to do bedtime by ourselves.
I mean come on, I'm their Mama, one would think the MAMA could put them to bed just fine.
Not so much tonight. William refused his bottle, Emily refused to nurse. I switched them up, Emily took part of a bottle, William refused to nurse. Tried to lay both down, a couple of times, both cried. Screamed actually. Nursed Emily a little. Attempted William with the bottle again and he did ingest a little milk.
I just don't' see what the difference was. I did everything exactly the same way, except Emily had to hang out on the floor while I tried to give William his bottle, and she didn't like that too much. Maybe they miss their Daddy. I know I sure do.
So tonight, I'll be going to bed with a heavy heart, knowing that my first night was not a success. I know that tomorrow is a new day and there will be days that are much much worse than this. But tonight, for me, I am going to just feel down and wallow a little bit and tackle tomorrow night when it comes.
I hear baby noises from the back as I type....Lovely.
:-)

Fun filled weekend

What a great weekend we've had! I know we have to work and all, but I sure do wish we could have more time like the last few days! Saturday started out with a pick-up from IHOP, but turned into a trip to Krispy Kreme ( the first for the babies), and then an impromptu trip to St. Augustine. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a planner, though I'm trying to be more spontaneous in my older age. I went with the flow and we had a great time. We didn't have any quarters for the meter, could barely open the car door to get out, we had to change the babies in the trunk, with only 2 wipes to spare, no bottles, but we had FUN! I nursed them successfully, in public, for the first time! We found a shady spot on the lawn of the fort, under a tree and there we nursed. Emily was very impressed that we were outside, so she was a little more distracted than usual, but that was fine. We did it!!! So anyway, we finally got home about 3pm, a 6-hour trip to Krispy Kreme, but it was definitely worth it. oh yeah, because we were only going to KK, I didn't bring a camera, so we bought a cheap disposable and used Billy's phone to take a few pics. See, I can go with the flow when needed!

Today we went to the zoo. We met my good friend Linda at the zoo, along with her 2 kids, and spent almost 4 hours there. It was definitely the longest trip to the zoo I've ever had. I still don't think the babies are old enough to care one way or the other about the animals, but it was still fun going. And this time next year they will def be more aware, so good thing I renewed our membership!

Here are just a few random pictures from the last couple of days. Thank goodness tomorrow is a holiday, maybe we'll have another adventure to post about then! Happy Sunday!

My anniversary flowers, I love my husband so much!

In front of the fort, with B's phone

At the zoo, pointing to where we are on the map
At the elephant hang-out

Cheering on the Bulldogs, outfits courtesy of Grandpa

4 years and counting...

Me and Billy celebrated our 4-year anniversary on Thursday. We went out to eat and then by Jagmania to see what kind of good deals we could get on Jaguar gear. We both like to travel and he likes to go to Orlando for our anniversary, butttt we definitely couldn't do that this year. I worked, he had school, it just kind of felt like a regular day, only it happened to be the day we got married 4 years ago!
We had a nice dinner though and got a couple of hours out of the house, just us, so that was good. I talked about looking older and having more lines around my eyes. We talked about our waitress and whether or not I should ask when her baby was due, but I decided against it. We talked about being so tired and...I have no idea what else! Lol, Wednesday night was a long night for us so we were both kind of dragging.
All of that being said, I love my hubby more each day and I am very thankful to have him in my life!
Babies are doing just fine and dandy. William's tooth has popped up a little more, but there's still just the one, and Emily has not sprouted any yet. They are both scooting around but not crawling. They spit up a ton. All over everything. I used to wonder, why would people keep their babies so dirty? Why would they keep them in dirty clothes and bibs? Well I now know that babies are ALWAYS dirty. I put a clean bib on, they spit up. We change clothes, they drool until their soaking wet. Almost every single picture I see either a soaking wet onesie or spit up food. Not pretty, but reality! :-)
Happy Friday night!

Billy relaxing after a day of doing ALL the housework AND the yardwork!!!

They are learning to play together

Finally, a clean little boy, right after his bath

She LOVES baths!!!

So cute, yet so filthy!!!