A Year Ago Today...

My precious niece, Ava, was taken from our family in a terrible car wreck. My sister, Kristin, was 7 months pregnant, due at the start of September and she was in a head on collision. Baby Ava was killed instantly, though we didn't know for sure until hours later. My sister's car was totaled, her air bag deployed, directly into her stomach, killing Ava but saving her. I cringe as I think about it and how horrible that day was.
I got a call about 8 pm from my mom, very upset, saying Kristin had been in a bad car wreck. That is one my worst fears on earth, losing someone I love in a car wreck. Silly me, I immediately asked about the baby first, how is the baby, is the baby Ok? She didn't know. How is Kristin, is Kristin Ok. She didn't know that either. I can't tell you what happened to my heart in that instant. I can't tell you what my insides were doing. I know my hands were shaking as I was packing my stuff, throwing random things in a bag, kissing Billy good-bye, rubbing my 8 week pregnant belly, and getting in my car. Thoughts were running about 100 mph and I could not get to Warner Robins fast enough.
I rolled in about midnight, and met my other sister Manda in the parking lot of the ER. We went upstairs and were told we had to wait in the lobby, that Kristin was in with the doctor. Still no word on the baby. We did know that Kristin was fine ( basically), a few broken bones, but nothing life threatening, so that was a relief. Me and Manda waited out there for maybe 10 mins, and then were called into the room, along with our step-dad and Kristin's bf, Eliseo. Kristin and my mom were in the hospital room, along with the doctor, and both were crying and we were told that the baby had been killed. Our sweet Ava, our precious, perfect baby girl had been taken from us. I really cant' describe what I felt like at that point, but I would not wish it on anyone. I felt sick, sad, lost, dizzy. It was almost impossible to comprehend that a healthy moving baby girl had been inside of Kristin's tummy, and was just waiting a few more weeks to come out...and now, she wasn't there anymore. We watched as the doctor searched again for a hearbeat, anxiously looking for any sign of movement on the ultrasound...but there was none. Again, devastation.
The next few hours and days went by in a blur. She delivered the baby and named her Ava Michelle. Her and Eliseo got to hold Ava and spend time with her, say good bye. Her funeral was a few days later. I came back to Jax and then went back to WR the next day with Billy.
We buried her. In a small white casket. We said good-bye to our family's first daughter, grandchild and niece.
A year has passed. Me and Billy now have 2 healthy babies. Kristin and Eliseo are still together and are now engaged. Baby Ava has a headstone that I still haven't seen, since it took so long to get here. The girl that hit them is still awaiting her trial. Kristin still doens't have a new car, and the insurance "stuff" is still not complete.
I know all of this is about me. And how I felt and what this did to ME. And I think that is Ok, because it's my blog. I have no idea how Kristin feels or felt. I know what I felt and still feel and that is gut wrenching...seeing my baby niece in that hospital and wanting her to cry and coo and grunt. But no noise came out. She didn't move. And...words just can't describe. You don't expect little lives to be taken. Older lives are what we expect and plan for, but little lives, not so much.
The sad part is that she wasn't even allowed to be here at all. And I mean, maybe that's a good thing? We didnt' get to know her at all, before she was taken. You can look at it several different ways, and you can pull the "good" stuff out...but all in all, it sucks. It's sad. It's unfair. And I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
So today, I just wanted to type about this, and remember Baby Ava and this terrible day. I know she is in Heaven, watching us and watching over her mom and dad...and I'd just like to tell her that I love her. And I'm thankful that my sister is still here with me. And one day we will get a chance to hold her and love her and play with her, the way we can't right now.

Was I snatched?!

Yesterday I drove off with my phone on top of my car. I was walking out to my car, put some stuff in the backseat, and layed my phone on the top. It was found in the road in front of my work, open. The lady that found it called my Mama and told her how she had found the phone, and so my mom immediately thought that I had been kidnapped. I was supposed to call her when I got home, via a message I was SUPPOSED to get, but she didn't know I was going shopping after work, so I didn't get home until about 7:45. Needless to say, she was very upset and worried and was very glad to hear that no one had taken me! Hehe, I thought it was slightly funny, but she said that I would understand one day, once the babies get a little bigger.
I got my phone back today too, no harm was done, so that was great news! And I just can't believe I did that!!!

My day is creeping by today for some reason, and I am feeling very unmotivated to do anything. I need to be a tad more productive, but I may wait and do that tomorrow.

We have had a somewhat busy week, a little different than what most weeks have been. Monday we went to the Allstar game. Tuesday was nothing. Last night I had my shopping trip and E&W got to hang out with grandparents. Tonight we are going to Billy's grandma's house to meet their 2nd cousin, Kayla. Kayla is the daughter of Billy's cousin Angela and Kayla is almost a year old, but we have never met her. So everyone is going over to meet her, hang out for a while and eat some pizza. Then tomorrow, my dad and step-mom are coming into town.

Not much else to post about right now! Happy Thursday!

Coming home from the Blueberry Festival

William on his first pony ride
Giddy-up!

She's a cowgirl in the making!

Emily on her horse

We have been having good days lately, and that makes me feel happy. The babies are just changing so much and I just feel like the time is slipping away. I cannot believe they are almost 6 months old!!!! EEK! Please, slow down!

Billy made them do this!

Emily having her cereal for the first time

She likes it!

William getting his first cereal

YUM!

Other random pictures

William sunbathing

He's so red looking!

Emily

Changing her diaper for the first time

Nothing much

I must be feeling nostalgic today, I keep sending Billy old pictures of the babies, and I'm looking thru some here. So today I will post some pictures of the babies that used to be so tiny, many of which you have never seen before. I should be a little more productive today, but for some reason, I'm not feeling it! Such is life!

William

Me visiting Emily for the first time

Emily arriving into our world

William making his debut

The first

Time that Emily and William rode on a pony. We went to a Blueberry Festival on Saturday and they were giving pony rides to little kids on little ponies. We couldn't resist, so we took a turn too!

Time that William had cereal. I think most of it ended up on his bib, it was very runny. We'll be trying again tonight and will also be trying with Emily.

Time that both babies tried out the Rainforest Jumperoo. They both seemed to enjoy it, though their legs are quiiiite long enough to make it "jump." I think they'll like it though, as they get bigger.

Time that we had to call the doctor because William had a fever. He's fine. They were not helpful. At all. I think I might have to complain, even though that's not really in my nature. The after-hours person was very unhelpful and not even nice.

This has been a weekend of firsts!!!! Happy Sunday!

6 Things

1. We went to St. Augustine on my annual family vacation from 5/27 - 5/31. Me and the babies went, it's only an hour away, and stayed in the trailer with my family. It was fun, very different from my regular vacations, but it was nice. The babies went to the beach for the first time, and even though they didn't get in the water, or really outside of their hut at all, I think they enjoyed it. Both napped, at different times of course, and hopefully once they get a little bigger, and they are able to be outside a bit more, we'll go back. I was terrified of them getting sunburned, so they were covered at all times. Well, most times.

2. William rolled over while we were there. It was definitely a fluke roll though, I wasn't even sure what had happened! I layed him down on his tummy and within like 10 seconds, he was on his back! I had to ask myself, Did I really lay him on his tummy? But I did, he just rolled right over. He hasn't done it since though.

3. Emily is talking more and more. Her little sounds are new and wonderful and very funny to hear. Billy was quite surprised when he came down to SA on Saturday night and heard her making all of these new noises.

4. And speaking of Billy and Emily - she pooped on his pants at dinner on Saturday night! Lol - it was GREAT! I know, that's mean to say, but it was really funny. He was feeding her and he thought she'd gone to the bathroom, and I told him, you better check her ( she has a habit of leaking). So he did and sure enough, poop was coming out the top of the dipaer, and then when he picked her up, there was poop all over one leg of his shorts. Hehe, I took her to change her, but there was no changing table in the bathroom, so out we went to the car, where she was changed in the trunk. She thought this was very funny.

5. We have been going on more outings. We went out to eat every night we were in SA, and then we also went to Outback last night, with Aunt Christie and her friends. I am trying to be less stressed about outings, and it's working. It's getting a tad easier each time. I will try to do more and more as the weeks go by.

6. Both babies are definitely teething. They have fists/fingers in their mouths at all times, and they are drooling machines! William is starting to like to have cold stuff on his gums and both have had runny noses. I'm waiting for a tooth to pop thru at any time.

I guess that's it for now, just a quick post to update on the vacation. I'm sure there are stories I'm leaving out, I'll post as I think of them. Happy Tuesday!