The Proud Recipients

This is an e-mail I sent out yesterday, after having the transfer:

We are the proud recipients of 2 120-cell embryos, called blastocysts. They were implanted about 2:30 I would say. You have to have a very full bladder for them to do this procedure, which is uncomfortable in itself, but once you start inserting speculums and pushing down with an ultrasound machine on your belly, it gets even worse!He said everything went really well though, so that is good. It took a few extra mins to get the catheter thru my cervix and they had to go out and back in with a second, harder plastic catheter(eek!), BUT - everyone was super nice.; Billy was holding my hand, and both nurses were really good too.

You know that they retrieved 17 eggs, and we had 9 of them that were fertilized. On Monday, we had 6 8-cell embryos, which is where they were supposed to be, and then today when we went in, we only had 3. It's amazing to me how fast things change and don't progress normally. The embryologist was quick to say that in a cohort of eggs, only a couple are destined to become babies. That was reality right smack in the face.

Anyway, basically he showed us the 2 embryos he wanted to put in, with a 3rd one lagging behind, and we made the decision to only put the 2 in. Before we left, he looked again at the other remaining embryos and thought one showed signs of better progression, soooo, it might be that by tomorrow, day 6, the embryologist believes they would be viable if frozen. If he doesn't think they will be, and he doesn't think the chances are good that they will survive a freezing and thawing cycle, we might not do it. But we really hoped to have at least a couple leftover to freeze. Anyway, we'll know for sure about that tomorrow.

So as of right now, I have 2 small, sweet and very precious embryos inside of me, and we just have to hope and pray that they will implant and result in a healthy pregnancy. I am resting today, not doing much of anything, but after today, pretty much anything is fair game. The nurse said I could go back to normal activities, with the exception of swimming, baths, intercourse and anything that raises by body temperature very much.

So all should be well.

Thank you all for your support and prayers, that is what's going to make this work. Me and Billy really want this....so please keep up the prayers, and we'll keep you updated as things change and move forward.

5/22/08, Real time post
We talked about our embryos and what they were doing. Billy is being very sweet and telling me not to do much, just to rest and relax. I made him tell them that he loved them. We do love them, even though they are only 120 cells right now, I hope they have multiplied into many more by now...
I hope hope hope these guys will implant and we will have a healthy pregnancy. That's all I'm hoping for right now.

The Oceanic 6

As of Monday, we had 6 embryos that were developing at normal rates. I don't know how many we have now, we won't know that until we get there later today. I hope there are still 6, cause they seem to disappear and not progress so quickly!
I am slightly nervous, but definitely ready to get it over with and see if it works. I have good feelings...and bad feelings sometimes. I am trying to keep my mind clear though and not dwell and for the most part, that seems to work.
The next few weeks will be the true test though, to see how I handle the waiting. Because there is simply nothing I can do to help things, we just have to leave it in God's hands and hope we iwll be blessed with a healthy pregnancy.
I guess that's it for now.

And then there were 9...

Well after the retrieval yesterday, the nurse called this afternoon and let us know that 9 of our eggs had been fertilized. We had 17 eggs, and now we have 9 fertilized eggs, which I'm pretty sure they refer to as embryos.
We should not hear from them tomorrow, but again on Monday.
Right now the transfer is going to be on Wednesday afternoon.

All the eggs in one basket

Except in this case they will be in a dish, under a microscope. Today I am going to have my eggs retrieved and hopefully fertilized by Billy's "contribution." we will know today how many eggs they took out and over the next couple of days how many fertilized and are viable to be implanted back in me.
It's exciting, and sort of scary at the same time. I hope I did all of my meds right, I think I did, but I still have that nagging voice in the back saying " you shoud have done, you could have done."
BUT - all we can do now is hope and pray that this work and we are blessed with a healthy pregnancy.
Today's the day! First step in conceiving our child! :-)
Wish us luck!

Webcam fun!

Tonight is the night I decided to video myself doing the nightly injections. And yes, that means I am still doing the injections, I did not get the news I wanted to from the doctor today. It's ok though, we are just a day or so off schedule, and that means I got a chance to make my little videos. I used B's new webcam on his laptop and I taped myself doing the 3 different injections. I've watched the first one and it's kind of corny, but I think I'll like to look back on this. I told Billy that some people made sex tapes, but we are making injection tapes, because THIS is how our baby is being made, lol...

Anyway, my follicles are not quite as big as they need to be, so I have to wait another couple of days for the retrieval. It was supposed to be on Thursday, but he told me it would be Friday or Saturday now. I definitely feel different though. My belly feels full and bloated and that's what it's supposed to do. I'll go back on Wednesday morning and we'll see how much more they've grown and hopefully be ready to proceed.

I was sitting in the doctor's office this morning thinking about what a somber place it is. It's not a bad thing necessarily, but everyone kind of gives you the half hearted smile, the " I know why you're here" smile. And while I think that's nice, I almost feel like I'm at a funeral, or someone's viewing...I don't make much eye contact, I look down and give that weird SMILE. We are at a fertility clinic! Feritlity. That is a positive word, right? I mean yes, we are having problems, but we have hope. Some people dont' have any hope yet. But we still do, and I feel like I need to be positive about that and have a more optimistic attitude about it. And I feel like I do, I feel like I've had a good attitude this whole time. Maybe not every single day, all day, but overall yes, good attitude. One point for Beth! :-)

So the next few times I go in I am going to try to smile more, a real genuine smile. Just a regular, hello how are you smile, and not a sympathetic smile. We dont' need sympathy, we need hope.

Mother's Day

Because I don't know how these shots work, tonight COULD have been my last shots, at least the series of them. I don't know if I will do them tomorrow night or not. I most definitely will NOT miss them one little bit!
I have another ultrasound in the morning and I am just keeping my fingers crossed that everything is still on schedule. As of Friday it was. It's weird to know though that things are going on inside your body that you have no control over. You do what they tell you to, and just hope for the best.
I thought a lot today about this time next year and if I'll be a mom next Mother's Day. I hope hope hope to be! I'll be a very new mom if it happens on this try. Again, I'm praying and keeping my fingers crossed.
That's it for now, will update tomorrow after my appt.

The real start

I have been thinking of starting a blog for a while now, and have been putting it off. I decided today that I wanted to start documenting this process, maybe not in a public way yet, but in my own way. So I would have something to look back on and remember these confusing and scary days and hopefully smile about them with a sweet baby in my arms.

Tonight I went back and copy and pasted e-mails into the blog, just as a start. So I can see how it all started and just the updates that I sent to everyone.

Tonight is night 3 of taking 3 shots at one time. I started my first injection on 4/26/08, and it has not been so bad, now that I know what to do. I started the other 2 on Monday night and they are slightly worse. The needles are bigger, and you have to get them ready, and it takes a little time. Overall though, it's not so bad. The first night, we were both slightly overwhelmed and just read the directions and got thru it the best way we could. Last night was better, so I hope tonight will be a breeze. I go back on Friday morning for another ultrasound and hopefully we will still be on schedule for everything next week.

Next Thursday, the 15th, I could have my eggs retrieved and attempt to be fertilized. It's exciting, but kind of scary at the same time. Also slightly weird to know that they are doing all of this in a petri dish. BUT, I'm very thankful that they are ABLE to do it, and we have this chance of having a baby of our own.

Anyway, this is my first official blog entry and this won't be public for a while, but when it is, I hope it will be interesting, and maybe helpful to someone, to look back and read about our journey to having a family.