T-minus 15 hours

I leave for work tomorrow at 6:30am. I can't believe it. I am trying to have a good attitude about it and just let whatever happens happen...but I'm still not looking forward to the morning, and leaving my babies, and heading back into the working world. Wish me luck.

As I've been thinking about going back to work, I've been thinking about how much our lives have changed since these precious creatures have been here, actually here in our lives and not just in my belly. The idea of a baby in a belly is one thing, but once they get here - that's a different story. They have already outgrown things. They look different. They act different. They do different things, and they have quit doing some things we liked.

Emily no longer acts like a baby bird when she's about to eat. She used to open her mouth sooo wide, and move her head all around, and her eyes were so big...she looked just like a baby bird looking for that worm. But she doesn't do that anymore, she roots and opens her mouth, but it's the same. She's growing into her face, and it doesn't look so "bird like" anymore. She also doesn't make as many noises while she's sleeping. We used to call her a puppy dog, or a goat, but she doesn't sound like that anymore. She just sleeps and doesn't make so much noise.

William used to make a noise after he sneezed, kind of like a sigh, and lately he hasn't been making that noise. He still roots around like crazy when I'm trying to nurse just with me...but not like he used to. He used to look "troubled" a lot, and now he looks happy a lot. Of course, that's a good thing, I'm glad he smiles and laughs, but he has still moved from one thing to another and we won't have that "troubled" look again.

It's like I'm so happy they are doing more and they're progressing, but I already feel like it's too fast! These first 3 months have been hard. Harder than I ever thought. But they have been awesome too, and I just can't believe they are already over! Only 9 more months and they'll be a year old, eek!

I always wondered how you knew you loved your kids. I know people have different experiences, and I was not one to feel an instant, bonding, nothing's gonna break this connection with Emily and William. It took a while. I'm not sure when the point was, but one day, I was like, these are mine. These are my precious children, and I just knew inside that I loved them more than life itself. I have had several occasions now where I will be sitting holding one of them, and I have started to cry, just because...I don't know, they are so darn cute and I just love them so much. It's hard to explain, but I know that they love me back. I question it sometimes, but deep down, I know they love us. And it just melts my heart when they smile at me, or they bury their little heads on my shoulder. And I know that no matter what else, their Mama can make it better. Maybe not right then, but she sure can try.

Me and Billy had a hard time adjusting to having them around, but I think we have hit our stride, and it has been great. He has been helping a lot and acting like he actually likes it. He doesn't complain, he doesnt' get irritated. I think we just needed a few weeks to figure things out, it's just been me and him for a long time now. We've been married over 3 years, togethter over 5...and we've always just done what we wanted, when we wanted. We knew things would change...but I don't think we realized exactly how much and exactly how. Anyway, all is well now, and I feel like we are a very happy family of 4.

I just love those kids so much I can hardly stand it sometimes. Dont' get me wrong, I need breaks and I take them. Just today, B's parents came over and we went to the zoo and out to lunch. We enjoyed ourselves. We will def. continue to have days/nights like that, where we get out and about and enjoy our couple time. I think that is so important and we will fight for that, no matter what.

So on this Sunday, give your kiddos and hubbys a kiss and take it from me, who has only been a Mama for 3 measley months, it goes by too fast!!!!!! Happy Sunday!

Me at the Asian Exhibit at the zoo

We decided to take a little trip!

Daddy decided to put on their July 4th clothes, don't ask me why!

Our little Jaguars!!!

Emily's beautiful smile caught on camera